Lectures from my Nani...

Having lost my biological Nani (maternal grandmother) at a young age, there was a void in my life that was very hard to fill. At that point in time, I probably was "robbed" of a key element of my life in the value and guidance that grandparents can bring.

But, I am one of the lucky few. Through the bond I formed with my best friend Rish and his family, his grandmom soon became my grandmother - in the way I saw her and in the way she saw me. Since then I have never felt that I lost my Nani, but that in my life I had two!


"New" Nani was simply amazing. She had an impressive zest for life. She wanted to live and experience what life had to offer. She was proud of her achievements; of her children and grandchildren; and of her amazing historical records (pictures, coins, and other memorabilia). She had been to many places, seen many things and met many other amazing people. And she would most likely be on a rollercoaster ride before you are!

Sadly, on 9 February 2012 she passed away at just over 82 years old. Life changed quickly for everyone. A few weeks later,  I was asked what one thing was most important to Nani. Without hesitation, I replied "Family!" The most important thing to Nani was her family! In that moment I realised too, that grandparents keep families together.

It's like once our grandparents become grandparents their aim becomes to teach us about life and prepare us for the battles we might face in our own lives. They bring us together and try to instil in us simple values that will take us far.

Since my realisation I ask myself often what has Nani left us with that would take us further, make us stronger, and keep us together. What she left us with was more than just memories, and here's a few of them:

1. Love and respect - Love everyone, and respect everyone.

2. Education is important. Anyone who knew her would know that one of her goals in life was to give her children the education they deserved. She wanted to equip them with the tools to become successful - the key being knowledge. She was proud that she kept a book Reena Mosie had used in her school days and used that with her stories to remind us that education is what you need to progress in life.

3. Nani would never say outright that she was not pleased with our choices, but instead would say that we must think and do what is right. I believe what she meant is that we should think about our decisions as every decision we make will ultimately affect our lives in some way or another. Decide right. The life we live is influenced by the people around us, not by the things around us. Irrespective of what the decision is - marriage, career, cars or whatever, choose wisely.

4. Take care of the people of you love. Protect them, and guide them. Be there for them when they need you. Appreciate them. Nani always reminded me of the fact that even though my mom lives far away, I had someone who took care of me just the same as my mom would and that I should take care of her too. We shouldn't walk away from people who love us, as those are the people we need in our lives and who will support us.

5. and personally, that I am a "stupid fool." One of the things Nani constantly reminded me in her last few months was that we must fight for what we want because life simply does not just give it to us, and when we have it we must protect it. She believed that there is such a thing as fate and destiny and I was a fool to let go of mine when I had it.

Everything Nani did, everything she said and everything she went through was a lesson for us. For as long as I can remember (and I'm sure the others will agree), Nani has been "lecturing" us. But what we refer to as "lecturing" was in her mind preparing us for life - teaching us every lesson she could so that we do not fall, we do not fail, but live great lives. I'm sure that everyone can recall her stories of carrying her kids and walking to the beach kilometres away; stories of how she made sure that her children were before every other need she had; of making the most of what she had.

Nani's worries were that we did not listen to her and she did not do enough to teach us; that we are not well prepared to face what is ahead of us, and will make poor decisions for ourselves; that nobody will be there to take care of her children and her grandchildren, to advise and guide them.

To which I can confidently reply:

Nani, I know that sometimes we tried to avoid the "lectures" and even acted disinterested when you spoke to us but we did listen carefully and paid attention to what you had to say. For the rest of my life I will take with me all that you have tried to make me understand. I get it now, and I love you for that. Hopefully one day, I will be passing on these values to my children as you have passed them on to us.

Thank you for taking the time to care for and love me as you have, and for teaching me all that you have and making me a better and more solid person.

Love,

Roshan