Ever have a discussion about marriage and the person then
describes how they dream their perfect wedding to be? Happens quite often
hey?
Navasha’s wedding to Theo this past weekend got me
thinking about marriage and what it really means to us. Vash (Navasha)
mentioned to me that she always thought she would get married much later in
life, or maybe not at all as at the time she had not found the right person
and, was a bit afraid of commitment. She
wanted the decision to be the right one.
I think I understand Vash…
See, marriage to me is about a dedicated, devoted life together. You are confirming to each other that you know your partner is right for you, and the one you want to be there, next to you, for the rest of your lives. You know that together you two can fight the greatest battles and solve the most complex of life’s problems.
Marriage opens up a path for a couple to walk down together
which did not exist prior to their unison. Two parallel roads which co-existed
and has now joined to form one common path.
So for us, it’s not just getting married for the sake of
getting married, or that we are getting old now and getting nervous that we may
never marry. At 27, I face first-hand the pressure from family and friends on
finding someone and settling down but I cannot just give in and marry anyone
who comes around. I cannot just marry
somebody to remove that fear of being alone. I actually will wait for "she who
completes me."
To me, this is way more than about a wedding day; it extends into
a lifetime. We have a responsibility which we have learnt and adjusted to, to
be faithful and committed to our partner. Part of being in love and married is
that we have to open up our entire lives to them, right?
Marriage most certainly takes far more than just love to make
it work. It requires trust and understanding; compromise and sometimes
sacrifice; changes to way of life and habits. The huge adjustment is now
accepting and accommodating another person and their characteristics and habits
into every aspect of your life.
I really believe that the way to make this work is that you
have to be solid as a person. You can’t be soul-searching and take such a big
step. You need to be grounded, know who you are and most definitely know what
you want.
Last week, these are things that I identified in Vash. She was no
longer the girl I knew as we grew; she was now a mature, responsible woman. She
was confident, and strong. She knew what she wanted, and what needed to be
done. She had reached that point in adulthood were support from family and
friends is appreciated, but not dependent on. She is her own woman!
Obviously Theo plays his part in this too! He is the guy she’s in love with and the
person she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with. He is much like
her – his own guy, solid and strong; all on his own. They understand each
other, and know when to step into each other’s space or take a step back.
That is why this marriage will work!
The reason
that Vash and Theo wanted us there this weekend was not just to have a jol. They
wanted us to see that they have grown up and matured; that they are responsible and
considerate and that this decision is one that is best for them. Vash knows
through the years she has had our support, and she would love for us to
continue to support her and Theo on their new adventures together. She wants us
to be a part of this big decision they’ve made to carve out their own lives
together and for us to see that they are serious and committed and ready to do everything they
need to, to make their lives the best it can be.
At the end of weekend, all of this really made me ask myself
if I am actually ready to get married.
The answer? Well, I’ll let that specific girl know…but are
you ready?
Good read bro; take it from someone who has recently been there.Its not always bliss; both parties have too work hard at it.Once it works its magical :)
ReplyDeletePS: Also take note of the saying "You dont just marry the person you marry the family".
Excellent points Roshan! If only more people thought that way, then maybe we wouldn't have so many people who get married at a young age only to get divorced a few years later. It is indeed a lifelong commitment. Now just to find He "who completes me" :)
ReplyDeletePersonally I am of the view that that one should marry their friend as opposed to their lover; and that friendship should first and foremost be established while dating. Myles Munroe says "The standard for successful dating are the same as those for successful marriage. According to the majority of marriage counsellors, one of the most common reasons for the breakup of a marriages at any stage is lack of intimacy. Most people associate intimacy with physical or sexual relations, but it is much deeper than that. Those who feel that having sex brings them intimacy are only scratching the surface. Intimacy is not an act. Intimacy is a state of existence in which both partners in a relationship trust the other more and more with their innermost thoughts. They trust each other more and more with their innermost wishes dreams and desires. They trust each other more and more with their innermost emotions. Intimacy, then, is the key to any successful relationship"
ReplyDeleteGuys, If I may say, don't allow those individuals who have been married instil in you negative thoughts about marriage. They are in no position, or may I say, have no given right to discourage anyone from getting married. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Why shouldn't two people who are really passionate about each other get married and grow old together? Marriage is almost like keeping a business alive and kicking or maintaining your car. Imagine if you didn't strategise, market or work hard at keeping your business alive? It will no doubt fail. What if you thought that your car didn't need regular services? How would you expect your car to take you from Point A to B? Marriage is about the same. And ultimately, you ought to be getting married for the right reasons and when your heart tells you that you are ready for this commitment and also when you know in your heart that he or she is the one who you would like to grow old with"
Thanks
Amy